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| if i could i would never ever hurt you. if i could i would never ever hurt you.
i'm so sorry, just so sorry.
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| you know the last time i said,
the only way to make me love you is to break my heart,
i didn't think you would do it, and i didnt realize this was the way it would transpire.
this is an "ahhhhh" feeling, a "wtshit" feeling, a heartwrenching jolt through the skin and it hurts deep deep, down down.
i'm blogging here again. instinctively.
this does not, does not bode well, at all.
i may be all around you, but i am so lonely, so so so lonely because my heart is miles apart from yours.
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| oth is making me miss people. ):
i miss deb miss having someone i can meet in school and immediately smile with. being alone is not an acceptable option.
i sympathize/empathize with peyton.
does it make sense? does it make sense that after so long some part of me is still empty? does it make sense that though you are gone, that i still haven't filled the void? but you dont fit the void anymore.
like bio: maybe i am your enzyme and you are my substrate but one of us has been denatured and we don't fit the pieces.
i really havent changed at all. and although i am upset and depressed ): i will get on. but if you ever look back, i think i will still be here, i am still hanging on to nothing.
so foolish i am. but all i can do is i love you, and this is all about sacrifice, and there is a lot of jealousy, and i don't know how i am gonna say this right, but its a painful feeling.
i really have to get on with life and stop thinking so much ):
still very upset ): ): ):
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| just wanted to say that i guess this is the way we heal.
you and me. maybe you want to forget, and so do i, forget. but you gave me something inexplicable, made me able to know what truly truly loving means. what it means to want to protect, to want to be beside, to want to understand but not want to possess. sometimes it hurts, surely, but at least in a way i know.
so i am finally, finally healing,
and i know you are hurting. and i hope you heal, and i hope God heals you.
i can start over, it was painful, it hurt like hell, like hell, but i can start over.
there will be no more disdain, i promise. no more disdain. just friendship. like it always was and should've been.
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| i've lost my fear of falling...
and you know why?
because i know the One who will catch me when I fall.
always and forever and He will never disappoint.
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